Today in 10 lines

1. Waking up at 10am is SWEET

2. I've gone back to STOMP for my old pals, but not for the new threads or new people.

3. Having your favourite pair of Adidas running shoes CREAK with every step really ruins the day

4. I really don't want to retire those shoes

5. Nice people do exist

6. Plonked down big money to order the stethoscope.

7. It's in green too like my current one. Green is the least common colour of stethoscopes though it looks good.

8. Weather sucks. Didn't rain but there was thunder and dark clouds and all, so not safe to ride my bicycle.

9. I wish life and everything can just be much simpler. For me, for everyone else. Everyone got their issues I guess.

10. People on MSN messaging me, but sorry, I just want my quiet yeah?

Yesterday in 10 lines

1. School, feeling crap about messing my whole posting up.

2. Finger's got this red and bleeding fissure, tore out a hanging sliver of skin

3. Home. Guitars aren't easy to tune using a 220Hz tone from a computer

4. I'm loving playing the guitar again.

5. Bluetoothing a 6 megabyte MP3 to a friend simply isn't practical.

6. Gosh, whathaveIdone? Friends DO matter. Online or not.

7. It sucks when things get tangly.

8. But the company of friends still rock.

9. Cheesecake from Secret Recipe still pwns Cheesecake Cafe in Siglap

10. Tangles. I just don't know what to do.

Graham Coxon - Standing on my Own

I've been thinking about this song for a while. Such a sweet fun and upbeat song. Everyone loves it. But It's just sorta weird that it's so technically simple to play on guitar, the lyrics aren't particularly imaginative, and it doesn't exude much creativity.

But yet it just sounds so good. Some palm-muted guitar scratches, then a barrage of power chords and catchy vocals.

Simplicity can sound so beautiful.

Certainly makes one wonder, why do so many bands aspire to be the next Smashing Pumpkins or X-Japan or Dream Theatre when simple snappy songs can be equally successful?

I really don't know what I have got myself into

Note: the following monologue was typed out in a semi-asleep state and I'd probably regret what I say tomorrow, but I just hafta rush out something to explain myself and to get some things off my chest.



It's been a great 3 months or so. STOMP forums. I really gotta be thankful for all the friendships, advise, emotional support I've got so far. Who would have thunk that an online community would be able to provide so much?

But it's like, it's weird living a separate life online and have it evolve into something so big, outings, emotional support and all. It feels unreal. And it's taking up alot of my time. I've neglected some hobbies after being on the forums for so often and so long.

I was on the forums with 4999 posts already put in, when it occured to me how dull it often got, just posting silly 1-liners, enjoying the virtual company of friends. I want something more than that. I've wasted enough of my life not making enough memorable experiences, experiences that I can feel, experiences that I can remember for a long time. My past 3 or so years were particularly bad in that sense. I just don't have enough good memories.

Post 5000, and I made my announcement to go into semi-retirement from the forums. But that I'd still lurk and post ocassionally, go for outings and stuff. And that I'd never cut off ties with my friends from there. It was sort of an impulsive thing I guess. But it's so true at the same time. I need more out of my life. It's getting pretty numb, just doing the same thing day in and day out.

Today I just picked up my guitar again. And it felt really sweet, tuning the tarnished strings, strumming it like meeting an old friend again. And it really feels like I should've been with the guitar all along rather than living my life online.

But it's just so hard to extricate myself from the virtual community I've entangled myself in so deeply. I hope you allow some arrogance of mine here, so that I can say that some of them do miss me. I miss them to. I really do. The emotional support too. I've literally depended on it for so long.

But sometimes we do have try to get ourselves off the crutches even if we don't know whether we'd fall without them.

==

And the real-life outings. Real as in, live-action, face-to-face, personal. Somehow these outings have lost a big part of their magic and lustre I suppose? It doesn't sound nice for me to say this but things do get complicated. And it gets me down.

I'm rather tired of meeting so many people so soon. And it gets me down.

I'm this antisocial guy, who had lived a live of social recluse for so long it's not even funny. So often I feel like I just can't fit in. And it gets me down. Somehow I'm always the one in the ccorner, at the end of the bench, the one who doesn't really have anything to say or contribute.

At this point of time, I think I'm happier just jamming on the guitar by myself to Graham Coxon like I did this afternoon.

It's weird. Maybe I'm just more comfortable being all alone. But then, being with those STOMP pals used to be superbly fun. Dude I really have to thank them for keeping me sane at the times when I quite needed them. Then the magic fades. Somehow.

Part of me knows that everyone else has their super close pals and all who mean so much to them. But who am I? I'm a mess with nothing to offer. It just feels so selfish to want a friendship in my state.

==

One last outing to go, and I'll decide if it's worth all these while in the end. I just can't feel like I'm part of a group you see? I want to be. I try to be, but somehow I'm this drifter who just can't connect.

I want to be alone but it feels lonely. I don't want to be alone but I just can't work social situations. I want to be alone but I know that NOT being alone had made me feel so much better at timess, times where being alone would have made me unsafe.

I don't want to be alone.

But it's not easy. I'm confused. I really am.

Head-up for goodweatherforairstrikes followers

There's really alot of new good stuff on http://www.goodweatherforairstrikes.com/

No kidding, dood.

Freaking beautiful song

MSN me or something, I'll share. Nothing to blog lately so here's the song lyrics.

ELECTRIC SOFT PARADE - Silent To The Dark

Small talk on the radio
It seems I am going nowhere today

Small talk gets you nowhere choose
Between a curtain or a star
And I'm silent to the dark

'Cause when I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone

Small talk on the radio
It seems I am going nowhere today
(Not today)
Small talk gets you nowhere
I'm silent to the dark and tepid
Only when you ask

'Cause when I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone

When I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone

And you can do anything you want
Yeah you can anything you want
You can do anything you want
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter

'Cause when I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone
When I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone

When I needed someone
To talk to
To talk to
To talk to

'Cause when I needed someone to talk to
You were the only one around
Small cost, it pays to be alone

Ack.

Tummy feels weird.

Me probably over-reacting though.

I'll be fine!

Sunday

A really slow Sunday for me. Couldn't concentrate on schoolwork, so just lazed around. Cleared up the junk from my hard disk, cleaned up the bike chain (seems like a kerosene soak every 1000km isn't sufficient at all)

Resolved not to let all the ranting by dad and mom affect me. Nothing can get me down! Well, was feeling quite peeved after that but it didn't last. My mood gets up and down alot lately, but well, it's MUCH better than what it was a couple of days ago.

Slacked online, slept a little, did some Pharmacology MCQs (easy peasy, surprisingly), et cetra. Went for a run and came home all stinky.

It's my way of distracting myself from the impending doom called Monday, and its brothers Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!

Saturday II

After the euphoric bike ride, rushed off to friend's birthday lunch! Informal, laid back thing, but glad he really liked it that way. I have this thing about really wanting people to enjoy their 21st birthday cause it's like this once in a lifetime thing, and well mine was crap (Dude, a single bottle of new year cookies? I mean we aren't supposed to be demanding but it's just sad! A little peeved at being the one who's giving all the time, a question of money, y'know.). It's all about making the birthday boy happy, so when he vehemently refused a cake we just had to agree!

Went back home, and just couldn't wait for the big gathering! Everyone was sorta busy (it's a weekend so everyone else do have something to do cause unlike me they don't have retarded social lives!) and it was raining so didn't meet up early and decided to go straight. Speaking of the rain, was so afraid it'd mess up the whole gathering! Was barely at the bus stop and twinkie called so decided to meet up at Orchard with Ryan and Twinkie first! Oh and judging from all that flurry of messages and calls, many people were going to be late. including us. Oops.

Marina Bay MRT and after waiting for a while we set off to that steamboat place! While the paparazzi had a field day, shelling us with the flashbulbs and huge cameras. Me, I decided not to take photos because it's hard to have fun and have a conversation while trying to get good photos. It takes quite alot of sacrifice to be a photographer in the middle of the event you're enjoying, because when one stares through the viewfinder, he gotta clear his mind and just concentrate on getting the photos.

Was fun just hanging around with familiar pals and meeting new people. Didn't really eat much though, since no one hardly ate! Place there only had Coke Light as a sugarless drink (not in a mood for an oral Glucose Tolerance Test). Wanru bought a whole bottle so I sorta helped her and Ryan finish it. Was helping to finish yet another 1.5 litre bottle back at home - yikes overdose! Was forcefeeding Jenson - our favourite kid - part of what I cooked, cause he didn't seem to be eating much. Gotta look out for the kids!

Went bowling next. The unavoidable jokes about blue balls. Rusty me was super inconsistent, and really had to take some time to re-calibrate my bowling sense. Tired. I hate being tired in social situations I can never seem to muster up any enthusiasm or think of things to say when it happens. Must be the blood concentrations of caffeine taking a nosedive after the really seriously huge doses I had received today. Kids. Addiction's no good mmkay?

Pool next. Unseen taught me some tricks to hit the ball in with the proper technique and body english and it worked quite nicely. Thanks unseen! Problem is that the stupid black ball goes where it wants to go, and somehow it always goes in by mistake and kills the game.

Super duper tired next. Just sat in a corner of the train, half-unconscious. Now can I blame that great morning earlier for me pushing myself too hard for the bike ride?

King of the Mountains!

It's a freaking hell of a perfect day!

Today's ride day cause I couldn't be assed to ride yesterday.

Woke up early and pounced onto my trusty aluminium steed while everyone else was having their beauty sleep.

Saturday, and Old Upper Thomson Road transforms into a training ground for cyclists from all over, roadies, mountain bikers, triathletes, even the casual cyclist with foldable bikes.

Weather's perfect. Balmy wind to keep things cool, while the rays of sunlight streaked the misty morning air.

Caucasian roadie overtook me on the flat ground so I tailed behind him. A little hard keeping on his tail but when the hill came, he really slowed down alot and I was like, 'is that all the challenge you can give me?'. Was literally coasting uphill. Not to be arrogant or anything, but it seems like I'm so much better at uphills nowadays.

Wasn't an easy ride today, barrelling all the way trying to get overtaken by as few roadies as possible. Then decided to go into the Upper Peirce entrance road cause I haven't been there for a while.

A recap. This road has several climbs that are pretty insane - insane enough such that many casual cyclists with their $150 bikes are unable to scale at all. And I sorta breezed through it all.

Took a quick rest at the reservoir and turned back. The sunlight streaking the misty air was really beautiful.



Was admiring it when a female triathlete overtook me with a whoosh and buzz of gears. made a half-hearted chase up to the hill, then saw her really burning out on the hill. Let's just say her climbing technique needs alot of work. Her hips were gyrating madly (not a good thing) and she could barely keep her balance. Had half a mind to scream at her 'Hey, you'd climb much better if you keep your torso still!' Maybe she made a bad choice of gearing too.

Made a half-hearted effort to overtake her on the uphill and in a minute, she was out of sight. Yay King of the Mountains me!

After a kilometre or so on the flat ground, she overtook me again. Oh well, my endurance needs work. But but, I'm riding a mountain bike with slow heavy tyres and she's on a heavily-decked-out tri-bike! No fair! She zipped past downhill at a speed I wasn't willing to follow, with all those reversing vehicles around and all.

Weather's beautiful, it's a weekend, it's finally Saturday - gathering day! So happy I just have to tell everyone!

"It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away!" - U2

Friday Fatigue

It really does a thing on one's mood when one has to wake up in the unearthly hours of dawn, then try to reach some faraway hospital by 7.30am.

Kept on missing the the buses and trains and having to wait for the next one. Bad luck or observer bias from my pessimism? You decide.

It's super depressing when people become extra-nasty when rushing for work or school or whatever in the mornings. They push and shove and block the entrances, just so as to get the best seats for themselves. You can see the desperation in their eyes, as though being able to laze in a seat is their birthright. And no matter how prominently they paint the queue lines outside the platform doors, they'd still rush into the train head-on without even allowing the alighting passengers to move out first.

The further you get away from central Singapore the worse this gets. The people from my area are especially courteous and all, so every time I commute out of the comfort zone it's a mini culture-shock for me. Who says regional culture doesn't exist in Singapore?

I didn't get to sit or lean on anything throughout my whole marathon train ride. And I ended up being 10 minutes late. Gee, it sucks. Sucks as in an existential 'Why am I here when it's all so terribly nasty all around?'. I dunno, but my out-of-proportion emotional reaction to everything around me's really freaking me out. It just ain't safe anymore.

==

Managed to sorta salvage the rest of my morning by just chatting online for a short while in the students' room, then shadowing the clinic session of one of the surgeons who really teaches and gives good advice without making the student feel like a retarded moron.

Ended late so couldn't join anyone for lunch. Bah oh well, no lunch then. There's this staff teaching thingie in the afternoon. Barely able to muster the effort to go for the scheduled lessons in the first place, so naturally I didn't stay for that optional thingie. Felt terrible for messing up my education like this.

Everyone seems everywhere today, so was by myself much of the time today. Hauled myself back to the train station in the drizzle by myself. Again, missing trains, the cruel rush of people, et cetra.

==

Reached home and read the papers and slumped onto the sofa and fell asleep without changing my clothes. Was supposed to be my bicycle ride day, but just couldn't be assed to do anything today.

Bad mood. Bad mood. Ended up snapping at my mom for some trivial thing - why I must be the one who's always changing the remote control batteries, the one who's replugging the loose cables and all? And I always gotta hide my despondent expression in front of her, cause she'll always nag that I'm all to blame for my own crappy mood.

Hid upstairs instead and fired up the stereo. Oasis on the playlist, Outkast, Muse, Feeder, nothing too depressing. Felt much much better after that.

==

Oh oops, somehow 2 of my pals both sensed that I was having a crappy day, just through SMS on the mobile phone, must be telepathy or something! Glad to just reply to their messages, cause it's great having solace from being alone the whole time.

But seriously, I don't want to get anyone down, so very often I'd rather just be by myself and not spread my evil vibes to anyone. Want them to be happy instead, not to be concerned with this messed-up me. I'd feel really guilty if anyone actually cares about how I feel. I just don't feel like I deserve it.

On the other hand, it'll really sadden me if any of my friends actually hides their sorrows from me cause they don't wanna make me feel sad or anything. Gee now I'm really confused on what to do.

Thursday

Tired, so short entry.

NUS in morning. Weather went crazy. Rain, shine, rain. But when it shines it's suddenly so colourful and cheerful with all those cotton-wool clouds dotting the blue sky. Enjoyed the ride on the bus home, sunlight reflecting off the wet patches on the road, quiet upper deck, fell asleep rather quickly in a sweet nap.



Reached home. Studied a while, slacked a while then plonked myself onto STOMP again and just crapped around with bestest STOMP pal Ryan and others. Time to go out again!

Went out this evening with bozo for the first time yay! Was chatting on MSN for such a long time so it was quite fun meeting in real life after more than a year.



Went to Fish and Co in Wheelock Place - after lots of aimless searching for that place. I suck when it comes to finding places! The fish and chips were great, but well, the staff there kept on bringing the food to wrong tables and ignored us for so many times when we tried to ask for the bill.

Walked around Orchard, just talking about our lives, the kind of conversations you don't really remember but feel really good after venting all your thoughts and stuff.

Went to Cold Storage to buy a drink:

Me: "So... Coke or Pepsi?"
bozo: "Up to you. There's Britney Spears..."
Me: "Which one is Britney Spears from? (advertising for?)"
bozo: "Pepsi."
Me: "I'm taking the Coke." (Grabs bottle of Coke Light)



The Christmas light-up wasn't particularly impressive, but was a nice touch. Lots of people everywhere taking photos with the light-up as a backdrop, so got a lot of photo-happy crowds to dodge.

Home. Tired. Can't wait for Saturday!

Wednesday

Feeling a little numb today, a little tired and a little crappy.

But but it ain't too bad. Not as bad as before. I know because my warped sense of humour usually reappears when I'm in a better emotional state!

Overhears: "the spelling is K-Y-L-E"

Me (excited voice): "Did anyone say KY Jelly?"

And today's run in the evening certainly made me feel better! Decided to pace myself by following behind someone else so I won't go too fast and fizzle out too early. It worked!

Special Singapore Edition?

For quite a long while, we've all seen those China-press music CDs in the shops, selling for about $10, with the same musical content as the local retail ones but with horrid packaging and printing (the booklets barely fit the casing, LOL).

But this is what I found recently:



There's other titles, The Feeling's debut album, Sugarbabes, Scissor Sisters, Keane. It's no secret that most of the CDs we get in Singapore are printed and manufactured in Singapore itself, as here is some kind of distribution hub for the region.

So. Million dollar question. Why were we paying more for the same thing, printed in the same plant right in Singapore? I have no idea.

To be honest? I bought this CD only because it was going for cheap. It ain't that great - their previous album Final Straw's much better. This one is too Keane-ish and happy.

Of eyes and ears (Tuesday)

I can't stand the MRT.

1. Crowded
2. The air is so still you can almost always smell someone else's body odour
3. The seats are really narrow and I'm sorta broad
4. The screeching wheels and the roar of the wind

And point 4 was bugging me especially badly, because idiot me forgot to switch off the MP3 player the day before and the battery was dead by then! Nothing to block out all those noises! Had to endure the screeching of the wheels, the roar of the wind and the whine of the electric motors and the dull thuds of the gearbox. Not to mention rowdy passengers and the guy who sat next to me who kept on clearing his throat.

Note to self: Make sure MP3 player is charged before attempting MRT ride.

It wasn't too bad at least, I managed to get a seat on the train, and even had a short nap.

Ang Mo Kio, and I got my new contact lenses! Wasn't easy cause I went there a week and a half ago and apparently I got weird extra-flat corneas so gotta order the flatter version. Friendly optician guided me through all the procedures and stuff. took a number of tries before clumsy me got it spot-on!

It's weird to be seeing things clearly without spectacles. Since spectacles make everything smaller, and contacts don't, now I gotta re-calibrate my hand-eye coordination again! Kept on missing the bus bell/ traffic light button/ grab poles etc.

It's quite cool. Usually I stumble around at home without spectacles cause I find them troublesome, so when I went around at home with contacts, everything looked super-clear - never noticed all those little fruits growing on the plants in the balcony and all the stray hairs on my bed!

And looking out of the window feels weird cause it's so clear I can almost imagine the people from the opposite of the block staring in all the time, cause I can see exactly what's going on in their flats heh.

Well, I gotta try it out for a while longer, then I'll make a conscious decision on whether I should stick to contacts!

Of fast cars and big egos

Was leaning back in the seat on the double-deckered bus today, lazily staring out of the windows while the bus drags along in first gear up the slope in Clementi Road.

Like usual, the usual scene of impatient drivers in their pimped-up cars, ruby-red brake calipers, sleek shiny polished back body and loud garish decals. And at night you'd notice that the blue HID headlamps and the third brake light that flashes a punk slogan at night. And you can hear the squeal of the turbocharger revving up, the growl of the engine through a defective/modified muffler, depending on how you look at it.

What do they have to prove? What do they have to prove?

They're the very drivers who're too inept to control their clutch. Too inept to drive in the correct lane. Too inept to avoid near-misses.

Sometimes I'm really amused when some muscle car gets trapped behind a couple of cars waiting to turn left, while the behemoth of a truck just zips by in the next lane - because the truck driver knew which lanes to avoid, while the muscle car poseur just has no idea how to make stretegic decisions.

The muscle car driver then takes on the role of a hurt tiger cub whose shot at bravado had gone wrong, a furry puny car whose engine goes groaning softly.

The driver, in a wounded rage, switches lanes and revs the engine, only to be stopped by the next red light which the truck in front barely managed to get past.

Why bother? - You wonder. I wonder too. Those people probably bought their shiny fast cars to fufill a need in their ego, only to wreck their ego after finding out how inappropriate their cars are on the roads.

In Singapore where urban warfare predominates, you don't drive a muscle car that takes 5 seconds before the turbocharger even starts to warm up. You don't drive some supercar that's too wide to park or weave through jams. You don't drive a tank right into the tropical jungle.

Me? I ride a bicycle. Heh. Zips through traffic jams, low-cost (relatively) and doesn't make me look like some egomaniac.

Quick summary

Just can't get into a writing mood so here's just some short notes:

Thursday: Test wasn't too bad, though like usual, I'm not going to do well in it.

The presentation thingie went quite alright, couldn't really fend off the questions the teacher asked, but didn't die or anything. The coordination between the roles of everyone was crap. That's something Superman overlooked and Superman hopes he doesn't get too much blame for it.



My brother's back from Australia and gave me a Gorillaz DVD. Quite cool, with live videos of Gorillaz (they project the characters on cloth screens on the stage since they're sorta like a virtual band.)

Friday: Morning. Tutorial - a weird one. Large part of it was on end-of-life issues and how people who are immobile tend to die rather quickly, whether or not there's any other disorder. Then another tutorial by Jabba the Hut. Bloody hell, he talked so slowly it was painful to listen.



Rushed to the lunch thingie after that. Subway Lido. Late by half an hour, and pretty much just was too distracted and all to really enjoy the company. Hung around the afternoon with Wanru since we had nothing to do anyway. Random pics:


Resistance is futile!


Inspection!


The butt of the jokes for the day.

Ryan messaged me and seems like he was quite down so just kept a conversation going while trying to keep Wanru happy heh. Was fun hanging around, talked about quite alot. But it's so hard when I gotta be Superman again.

Saturday: Crappy.

Sunday: Crappy. Woken up by a message from Jenson. Well, Superman got duties again.

Went out for a good hard bike ride. Sprints today. Stupid park connector was full of idiots walking on the cycling lane so it was hard to maintain a good speed. Still managed to hit about 30kmh which is respectable compared to the speeds I had when I was lardier and weaker.

Waves of melancholy and frustration struck from all that that had been brewing in my head, and I vented it on the uphills again. I've learnt to vent my frustrations uphill and keep my cool downhills, for it is much safer to sprint uphill at 25kmh than glide downhill at 50kmh. Felt worse after the ride than before. But heck, at least my odometer jumped past 1000km since the last reset. This calls for a mild cheer.

Rode into some branches because I didn't want to slow down to let the car pass first. It stung for 5 seconds before the exercisee endorphins kicked in - but no scratches at all! Maybe I AM Superman.

Crappy days are meant to be forgotten. Really scared of impending Monday. All hell will break loose again come Monday. I'm going to snap at the next person who bugs me about school while I'm trying to keep my cool in the weekend.

Some Superman eh? Feeling totally useless cause it's supposedly not _that_ hard to be a group rep, but 4 weeks into it and I'm already cracking.

OK. Someone else just called about the schedule tomorrow. I didn't snap at her. But boy oh boy does this suck.

Superman

Five for Fighting - Superman
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

Look. I'm not some intellectual student. I'm not some guy who knows the answers all the time. I'm not that strong.

I gotta keep it all inside, hide it all, deal with things myself cause they think I'm like some kinda Superman. And Superman can't crack, because by definition, Superman doesn't crack. He's supposed to save himself after all.

But then, people forget. Clark Kent's human. Me too. You too.

And I'm not even Superman.

Wednesday

Wednesday morning started out early. Tutorial, I was the one presenting, quite alright and all. Went to the canteen and crapped a while with QY while sipping on a cup of soapy-tasting coffee.



Yay a classmate gave me a tie she bought from China!



Rain on the way home. Somehow it really feels relaxing to just watch the raindrops pattering on the bus windows.

Grabbed a quick bite, changed up and went off to Braddell to collect the STOMP tee shirt! Rain's mostly gone. Was late though. Failed to navigate myself through the jungle of flats in time.

Ouch the 'younger' group of STOMPers went off first. Ended up Ferret Ryan EvilCicada and me going together as a second group!

SPH news centre is a posh plce. Met up with the 'younger' group but somehow couldn't really connect- too many new faces scare me.



Collected the tee shirts but oops Ryan didn't actualy get the email asking him to collect. Oh well you'll get one from Mr Black!

Walked to Junction 8. Was progressively feeling more crappy that day. I dunno why. School was getting me down - there was a test the next day, and also had to ready and collate all those presentation slides, et cetra. And it was like, too many new faces so couldn't really talk to them save for a couple of them. All that frustration broke through the moment I received a message that a groupmate couldn't receive an email and all and needed my email.

It wasn't helping that so many of them in the 'younger' group kept on hounding me about my real-life persona. Arrgh really can't stand it to be reminded of all the crap in my real life!

The group decided to go to Suntec City so tagged along. I know I'd be feeling crappier if I went home straight instead.

So it was like, felt quite snubbed by everyone, the 'young' group, and didn't want Wanru to feel out of place so didn't join in with my familiar pals Ferret and Ryan. They're having their own fun too so didn't want to spoil it for them.

Actually I dunno why, but I was feeling crappy way out of proportion of the situation. Luckily Kate saved the day! The group of us sorta abandoned the 'young' bunch and found a cosy place in Ben and Jerry's. Just the few of us, on the same table, me savouring the tasty scoop of mango lime, it felt so comforting that way. Oh turned out they weren't snubbing me or anything that afternoon. Feeling so guilty for thinking that!

Kate had to rush off to do DJing at the Suntec fountain, so the whole troupe of us tagged along! Originally Ferret and Ryan and I all didn't really feel like staying on to 8pm for that light show thingie plus photos. But Kate has a way with people, and in a while all of us decided to stay!



So the 3 of us just hung around by ourselves, which was really sweet. Wanted to bond with the other group. But arrgh. Too hard. So we went Carrefour and just ambled around having fun. Foam sword fight yay!



8pm and rushed back for light show thingie + photos. Just in time, and everything's so surreal and all. In the end we really had to go so reluctantly parted ways with Kate and slowly walked back to the MRT. "Can we walk slower? It'll be so sad when we reach the MRT and have to part ways."

And when we reached there it was so sad cause we were all going different directions. Leaned at the edge of the escalator for a while, missing each other too much to leave.

Took the North-bound train home by myself. And reached home teary-eyed and all. Partly gratitude, partly because I was feeling so touched, but yet still with a tinge of crabbiness from the whole day and all. Hugged my bolster tight, sleeping admidst the waves of tearfullness. I, I really gotta be thankful for having pals like this!

Today

So messed-up, so down, so stressed-out.

But yet so thankful, so touched and so grateful. Can't believe but I'm actually so touched I'm tearful.

You people really made my day! Can't believe how crappy I'd feel if not for you all. Still feeling down but that's really not half as bad anymore.

I'd put in a full entry when I'm in the mood alright?

More about cycling - some truths learnt today

1. Having a proper lunch is essential
Had a really big lunch today cause the afternoon was pretty free, as opposed to the kind of crap that usually passes off for lunch during my typical weekday - a curry puff or a packet of soyabean milk, or nothing at all.

And guess what - from being barely able to climb one particular hill above 20kmh, I found the energy to go off the saddle and bomb up without falling below 24kmh, and I swear I reached 30kmh at one point. Now that's a really big difference!

Kids, when you want to put in your 100%, you had better eat well!

2. Sometimes you overtake, sometimes you're being overtaken
No matter how much you work at it and how hard you persevere, there'll always be someone better and faster than you. Maybe he's still fresh and you're already almost to the end of your ride, maybe he has faster tyres.

But never try to chase them down, because you'll just tire yourself out and ruin your pace!

3. Don't let the rage get to you
Remember, it's all about pacing, pacing, pacing! Lose concentration on a steep hill and you may well stall right in the middle of it.

4. Ride out of the saddle more
Riding out of the saddle is the ultimate workout in cycling. You not only train up your legs but your shoulder, your abs, your back muscles, everything essentially. Pull hard on the handlebars while you pedal hard so that your upper limb adds to the force from your legs!

5. SMSing a friend keeps the tedium away!
It really does! The group was originally planning a supper right at Casuarina Curry but I wasn't going to be able to go. So had to just send a MMS musing on how I was, ironically, right outside it cause it's along my ride route!



6. Never try to make sense of the stuff you come across pasted on signboards.

The I-Would-Call-This-Post-Random-Thoughts-But-That-Title-Is-So-Cliched Post

The weather must've gone horribly wrong these days, for I woke up shivering in the uncomfortable cold. This is Singapore. It's not meant to be cold. The windows of the bus I was on this morning were frosted so badly I had to peer through the water tracks to see where I was going. Needless to say, it was freaking freezing in it. Curled up with my bag and had a quick nap.

So much weight on my shoulders. Having to juggle all the different tutorial schedules, planning of the presentation, et cetra. To be brutally honest, I'm really tempted to wave the white flag and push on the group representative role once the second half of the posting starts in another hospital.

Smuggled a syringe and needle from the wards. That's a morbid fascination of mine, I've got suture needles, alcohol swabs and scalpel blades with me at home. Part of me tries to convince myself that it's for practical and purposeful use. Afterall, syringes can be possibly useful in fine DIY work (toothpicks aren't good enough for spreading glue on really fine surfaces) , alcohol swabs can be really handy indeed and all.

And more controversially, well, I've ever sorted out my own ingrown nails, attempted to drain a sebacous cyst under my skin and I've ever ablated my own (suspected) viral warts on my feet, so these implements would come in helpful. Yeah, it's gross but that's the way it is. I have an insane tolerance of pain.

And there's this part of me that wants to have all these dangerous objects around, y'know, just in case. I understand it's not right, it's not safe and it's definitely freaky. But don't worry yeah - the 2 scalpel blades I have had since 4 years ago still remain untouched. Not like they're the best tools for the trade anyway. I'm fine alright? Still getting those fits of rage but I cope.

Resolve. I ploughed through several chapters of the textbook and finished the last bit of the write-up in the library. Gotta stay until the afternoon to collect something so I forced myself to really hit the books. No chickening out!

Went back to collect that stuff for the presentation and met MC and JS, so naturally we had so much to update each other on. Turns out Psychomed posting really is quite relaxing, the senior docs giving them tutorials are really nice people and stuff, it's so literally the opposite those surgical fields such as the Orthopaedics posting I'm in.

Wanted to be with these 2 friends for longer so followed them into the Psych ward to see how the student workload is like - the workload isn't much, the staff in the ward are so super-approachable and all.

But then, the patients there - they seem so normal - and sometimes there's really no reason why they should be warded - I wonder why they're there? I mean, they're not a threat to themselves or anyone, these people.

I'm the one with the blatant disregard for my own existence, not them, but here I am with a normal lifestyle free to do what I want. Such as rushing for school and taking the risk of almost being hit by a taxi by taking a shortcut in the middle of the road. And my berserk episodes on my bicycle, and my fits of rage.

It's becoming clearer and clearer that perhaps, I'm not as sane as I ought to be, and perhaps, I should be the one being locked up yeah?

A short note

The Step-Up outing on Saturday night was so sweet! The movie rocked. Great story, great pacing, great choreography, great camerawork and great acting! Honestly I hafta give it 4.5 stars out of 5. Can't really fault it can I?

Was thinking about it and well, I really can't live without the STOMP pals I've made so far. I'm like super thankful because they're like 80% of my social life now! I guess, it's like the people from STOMP are rather likeminded people (since we're on the same forums in the first place) who all want a little more company? It's so sweet that most of us are willing to just hear each other out. That's something I really treasure. A listening ear.

Really, I'm too scared to imagine how messed up my life'd be if I didn't have these pals to talk to. Especially since I've been having a rough patch these past months.

So, uh, thank you STOMP pals!

Why I am a cyclist

Biycling. I've been a fanatic of sorts when it comes to bicycling, despite my lardy and unathletic self.

My first memory of being on a bicycle was when I was about 7 years old, on a yellow bicycle with bright-yellow solid plastic wheels and tyres, going around in circles in the void deck of the HDB block with training wheels.

Dad wasn't very forgiving. He insisted I mastered the techniques of bicycling from yound, getting the cornering spot-on, keeping to the left of the cycle path and all. Even when I fell and hurt my wrist badly, he forced me to suck it up and go on despite. It was painful.

I got weaned off the training wheels some time later and started to go out to the parks and all. Fortunately despite the painful way I learnt bicycling, I never shunned it.

When I was about 10, dad sometimes fetched me from school riding his foldable bike, strapping my schoolbag to the rear rack of the bicycle and allowing me to ride it across the park.

There was this one time where I fell after losing control going over a rut. Dad got pretty angry with me. It's all blurry in my mind, but there's one thing I remember clearly.

I never did get to ride the bike across the park after school anymore. Around that age I got my own foldable bike too, a nice 6-speeder decked out with a gear-shifter where you twist the handlebars like a motorbike throttle and smooth 20-inch wheels. Sadly I hardly got to ride it. No one to ride with. Pestered my dad to go bike riding with me but it hardly worked so I soon stopped asking.

Sometimes, I'm just amazed at how I got into cycling again despite my unhappy childhood experiences regarding it. Apart from the very rare occasions where I cycled with my friends using rental bikes and all, I never really picked up bicycling until I was about 18.

I went out for short cycling trips with a group of schoolmates and picked up cycling all over again. Bicycling never felt as liberating. I could pedal anywhere you like to, coast over to tranquil parks and reservoirs and lanes I'd never go to otherwise. It was also great to be able to disperse any angst and frustration into pedal energy.


So I cleaned up my foldable bike and rode it again, discovering the park connectors and the roads in my area. Put the camera into a bagpack and cycled all the way from Bishan to Changi, talking photos along the way. But it wasn't enough. I wanted the speed and efficiency that a 20-inch foldable with low gear ranges simply couldn't provide.


I decided to use my brother's bicycle (he hadn't used it in years) and clean and tune it up. Brought it to the shop to replace the seized pedals and too-short seatpost, and I was good to go. It was a cheap and ugly bicycle with primitive gear-shifting but it worked - barely at least.

Shortly gave up on it after too embarassing moments with friends where the chain simply decided to derail in bumpy areas. Sometimes it was just so frustrating, having so much I wanted to do on the bike - explore the offroad trails, cannonball up the steep slopes and get to faraway places without worrying about break-downs- but simply couldn't do.

Kept on begging my parents to give the go-ahead to get a shiny new high-end bike, similar to the one my friend G got. Can't forget the days G and I would pore over printed-out bicycle catalogues in the lecture theatre, oblivious to the drone of the lecturer and the mathematical equations projected onto the screen. Made the final and definite plans to get the bicycle the next weekend - a GT Avalanche 2.0 that retails for about $500.

That week also happened to be the week that a good friend died. The girl who made my 17th birthday magical, the first girl I had talked to when I entered junior college, the girl who rested her head on my shoulder and held my hand while the orientation group passed the night at East Coast Park.



Nothing could stop me from getting that bicycle on that Saturday. Not even the diarrhoea I had, not even the feeling of despondence of knowing that a girl I used to like was now dead. Despite feeling really unwell, I soldiered on and bought the bike and rode it back from Tampines to Bishan - with the company of 2 friends.

Naturally I vented all those negative vibes on my bicycle. Barelling up the hills, flying down the slopes. It was a great distraction from whatever negative thoughts I had, a getaway from my own mind.

So that was the story of how I got my current bike. But how did I stick on to the sport for more than 3 years and counting?

1. Cycling is theraputic
Cycling clears my mind. It gives me a feeling of liberation and freedom, being to go to almost any place I want to within the island without much difficulty. Places that roads don't go, places where you can ride for kilometres without meeting a single soul.

Exercise in any form also soothes the frazzled nerves and releases happy chemicals within the brain and cycling is no exception.

2. Cycling feeds my self-destructive streak
Obviously I wouldn't recommend reckless bicycling as a way to feed one's self-destructive streak, but that is what I end up doing.

Those who know me well would know my old self-destructive habits, which have gotten alot better ever since I had started bicycling. Instead, I seek thrill and excitement from bicycling situations where I'm put into mortal peril. Flying down hills at almost 50kmh while tailgating a bus, taking sharp left turns at high speed and almost losing control, taking liberties with traffic rules - stuff like that. I dunno if it's necessarily a good thing, but well, at least, the scars such activities leave are much more easily explainable.

Sometimes it really freaks me out thinking about the kinds of things I end up doing to feed this streak. I feel guilty as hell for doing such risky things to myself, but it's not really a choice of mine, it's sorta like an evil craving in me that I'm forced to feed.

3. Cycling is intellectual
Go into bicycling forums and what you see is a load of information on stuff like how to maintain your bike yourself. The bicycle is a machine that's really fun to figure out and to tune up. There's so much to learn - gear ratios, aerodynamics, body kinetics, springs and suspensions.

In addition, no other sport keeps in mind human physiology as much as bicycling does. There's so much information around regarding sport physiology and nutrition with a slant towards bicycling. Even runners don't have half as much intellectual discussion regarding human physiology and nutrition. Only in bicycle forums do people discuss stuff like glycogen metabolism in the muscles and the best fluids for rehydration in suh great detail. It's also no surprise that medical professionals are very highly represented in the bicycling demographic, simply because it's one sport that's so intellectual.

4. Cycling makes me strong
Cycling has made me so much stronger physically, nuff said. Few other sports reach the same intensities as cycling does. You'd know when you do your first ever standing hill-climb. The forces and energy required is simply mind-boggling. Of course, I'm proud to say that I've never felt as fit and healthy in the past as compared to now.

So that's the story of my passion in cycling and I hope you liked it.

Morning and feeling crappy already

Woke up at 7.30am and laid in bed for half an hour, just too lazy and down to get up. Hid my face in the pillow and bolster, not wanting anyone to see how terrible I felt.

Hauled my ass up from the bed and down the stairs.

Bike ride. Didn't go as fast as I wanted to. On my usual route, there's this long climb that I usually take at a hair above 20kmh but today I sorta burnt out halfway in the climb. Not a good thing.

Promised myself to be safe, but oh well, ended up challenging a doubledecker to overtake me when I was going at 37kmh, and also tailgating a WRX. I know it's super dangerous and I'm feeling guilty over it, but there's a part of me that seeks thrill through putting myself into potential mortal peril. It's sick. I dunno.

Reached home, surfed the STOMP forums for a while, but just feel too crappy to go on.

I dunno. I hope this evening's outing will cheer me up or something. For now, I just want to wallow in my own self pity by myself.

Think I'll lie down for a while.




Feeder - My Perfect Day
Got this dagger in my back
The blade inside me burning
Change these colours in my head
Turn to face the real thing
Prechorus:
So what about me? (I can't take it)
What I wan to be (I won't make it)
What about me? (I can't take it)
Hear me when I speak (I won't make it)

[Chorus:]
But sometimes I feel it, you know how it is
Wake up in the morning and everything fits
I'm still hoping tomorrow feels like this
My perfect day

Twist inside me, feel it break
The rubber band keeps turning
See the tracks worn in my face
Hallucinate, I'm burning

[Prechorus]

[Chorus]
My perfect day, my perfect day

[Bridge:]
I can't believe this anymore
I just don't see this anymore
I'm stepping out into the rain
Again

See my satellite in space
Sending back the weather
Try to find myself some space
Move on up the ladder

[Prechorus:]
(I can't take it)
It's what I wanna be? (I won't make it)
What about me? (I can't take it)
Hear me when I speak (I won't make it)

[Chorus]
My perfect day

[Chorus]
My perfect day, my perfect day

Blogger's block

Nothing to say, so, here's a random picture.

Please don't

Gotta keep my poetic brain cells going, and since I don't want to bore you out with yet another long entry, here goes something about my school life right now:

Please don't
Like running through the fog
not knowing where I'm going to.
The smirk on my face belies
the thorns that come bursting through.

Harshly-lit corridors.
Lifts that hardly appear.
Busy people.
Please don't say no.
Please don't.

Like a kid on a mission,
an agent undercover.
Gingerly stepping across
those ticking time bombs strewn all over.

Another phone call.
Schedules I have to change.
Deadlines on deadlines.
Please don't say no.
Please don't.

Like a beggar in the rain
shaking and freezing to the bone.
Please don't say no.
Please don't.

Wild Wednesday

Spent the whole morning sulking over that thorny tutorial issue, and the change in schedule of another tutorial. It's getting to me, having to coordinate all the tutorials and lessons and stuff. There was this senior consult who was poking fun at me when I didn't know the answer to his question. He said 'The group rep should be more intelligent you know.' Not that I take it to heart, but it's just frustrating yeah?

Not going for the afternoon lesson cause it's going to be rather pointless anyway, having been given similar teaching before in the elementary posting earlier in the year. So stayed at home and just surfed the net instead.

Good weather for a bike ride, but I just didn't want to tire myself out too fast. If I run and cycle in 2 consecutive days, I'd be bushed as hell the next day and'll have take a longer break in the end, so that's no point. And well, it's not good for the muscles.

Oh can I confess? Running ain't such a terrible exercise afterall. Really hated running relative to bicycling last time, but I sorta got used to it. But still had to pick up running cause I needed to cross-train to make me a better cyclist and to reduce the chance of injuries. Cycling too much without running gives me knee pain and kneecap instability cause of muscle imbalance.

Now I see the benefits of running. A quick, more intense workout that's alot easier to fit into one's schedule. It's also alot safer than jostling for space on the roads with the ten-tonne trucks!

Oh crap, I better keep it short cause it's going to be a really long entry. Fastforward to 3pm, decided to leave home early for 'Kate's-promotion party' since the silence at home was unbearable.

On the bus, I saw this short feature on this mocumentary called Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan and laughed out loud when I saw the clips from the movie they featured. I really hope the dirty and racist jokes do not get butchered by the local censors!



If you don't know who Borat is, Youtube, Bittorrent, beg, borrow, steal some Ali G episodes! You won't regret it.

"My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film. If it not success, I will be execute." - Borat

Went to Orchard, just walked around that area with that tutorial scheduling problem on my mind. No matter how, toes are going to be stepped on, people will be unhappy. I just can't find a good way to settle that issue!

Gave up on mulling over a problem I can't solve anyway, and went to drown my sorrows in the books in Kinokuniya.

Nick Hornby has a new book: Housekeeping vs Dirt, another non-fiction work in the same vein of 31 Songs, but about the books he read instead. Although I really love his fiction, this new book is sorta dry .

Browsed through Train Man, a Japanese chronicle of a romance between a shy guy and a girl she had saved from a drunkard. It's in internet-forum style, complete with ASCII art and stuff, so it's sorta unreadable. It's like some really big fad in Japan, complete with manga and movie, so I hope I'll get to see other forms of it, as the book itself's so unreadable.

Went upstairs to Orchard Library. And guess what - after looking for 2 bicycling books for months, I finally found both of them today! Yayness! Just what I need to kickstart my enthusiam after the extremely sad offroad experience I had a few weeks ago at BT.



Read through some Simpsons comics and a few pages of Sandman (still hate it, too pretentious and arty-farty) and also lots of magazines there too. Never noticed it but Spin magazine is actually quite a good read, featuring lotsa alt rock and indie music without putting on any pretentions airs (as in, as opposed to Pitchforkmedia).

Headed outside and popped into the Lego store out of curiosity, the Spongebob magnets were so cool, I just had to buy them! The staff there were really quite helpful and all, giving me a huge plastic bag for my library books.




Walked around the departmental store part of Takashimaya and looked at tie clips. Why are they so expensive? Didn't want to buy one in the end but the super friendly promotor insisted on showing me a blue tie and one of the tie clips. Had to politely decline.

Decided to get the armpouch for my phone afterall. I can't afford being uncontactable when I go out for runs. Should anything happen, I need to be summoned, especially if there's an emergency at home. It matters because with my education and all I probably should be able to do quite alot should anything happen. Sales assistant at Royal Sporting House there wasn't too friendly though, she was more concerned with an urgent phone call and just dumped my change into my hands and went off.



Went to Gramophone to look if there's any new music. Instead of those CD-changer sampling booths they're using iPods instead, which I thought to be a brilliant idea. They're prolly cheaper, hold more music and have the chic factor to it.

Met Ryan, then hanged out for a while before heading to Centrepoint! Kate's 'promotion-party'!

Atually it's a surprise birthday party for Kelvin! But it's a pity he ain't feeling too well. Whole thing was wonderful. Pizza, cake, and we gave him this really cool Adidas watch! Seems like Kate has been doing her sleuthing and found out exactly what he wanted! Kelvin was indeed totally suprised and overwhelmed, but so glad he liked it!


We totally surprised him with this cake!


The pizza we shared!


The watch!

Can't help but to reminisce about my magical 17th birthday last time, which was probably as magical to me as Kelvin's is to him. But oh well, the person who made it all so special isn't around anymore. Sigh.

Anyway, today was fun! Love it! Hmm I had better learn some new adjectives to describe good things!

Alot more photos but I haven't postprocessed and sorted them out yet!

Arrghhhhhh

I feel so guilty.

I had the responsibility entrusted (actually, more like forced) unto me and I messed it up.

I hope they don't kill me tomorrow.

Phone's ringing like crazy since yesterday, had school till 10pm yesterday and I just got so much to juggle. Panic!

Think I gonna breathe into a paper bag or something!

School life

Tutorials, being grilled, fried, interrogated, tortured and scared out of one's wits. Everyone seems so comfortable with it though, except me. I'm skipping this morning's tutorials cause I just am so tired of tutorials and I'm totally unprepared so I won't get much out of this morning's tutorials.

I dunno, I think I'm in for a terrible fall. Where is my enthusiasm? Where is my energy? Back in secondary school I had these terrific friends in school who sorta worked together and motivated each other - not in a mushy soppy way - but we saw each other as role models to emulate. I gotta admit my self-motivation really truly sucks.

Well, it's not like everyone's nasty in school now or anything, but the atmosphere is just so competitive, lag behind, and no one turns around to see how you are.

But there are things that cheer me up still, like when M dragged me to the canteen despite me insisting on staying in the students' room instead. I hardly eat lunch at where I'm posted to because the canteen is a warzone, full of long queues and pushy people and the food sorta sucks.

So she dragged me along and tried to make me eat but no way I was going to jostle with the crowds for lousy food, so settled for a coffee anyway (which sorta sucked heh).

But it's nice, knowing that there are people around who notice that I exist, and that they want my company. It feels so... sweet. Hopefully, despite being the messed-up me, I hope I don't get these people down!

Webcamming

Webcamming rocks! 'Borrowed' my brother's webcam to webcam with my friend who's now in USA studying, quite an interesting experience.

So today I webcammed with Bozo! Couldn't get it to work at first but once it worked it was really fun. We showed each other all the cool stuff in our rooms. I'm not gonna reveal what!

Things I done in front of the webcam: spun a drum stick, balanced a teddy bear on my head, tried to play out a vampire scene with my Lego vampire keychain, shuffed an empty medication box onto the head of the teddy like a hat, lit up my face with my phone's torchlight horror-storytelling style and posed with my earphones I decided to open today Japanese-model style.

Sometimes I just act like a kid!

Bozo also found it amusing that I sometimes use the computer while hugging my pillow heh.

Oh and Skype seems to handle webcam conversations better. The picture's clearer and the sound less jerky.

I ought to get my own webcam! Anyone else wanna webcam?

Mangled Mistruths

Saturday morning, and my dad's particularly chatty today. First thing in the morning after I came back from a run, he went on this crazy diatribe on his crazy theories of health. Well, actually, most of these theories are thanks to the way the mass media mangles medical truths, and also from all the weird books he reads.

He was telling me about how he liked this absolutely insane book about how flouridation of water is evil, how electrolytes in drinking water are evil and how we should only eat 'organic' minerals.



Erm, organic minerals? But but minerals are just free floating ions, whether they come from your tap or from your friendly juicy chicken or tame head of cabbage!

No matter how I try to explain the physiology of fluid and electrolytes in the body, he just can't accept it. That perhaps, his son who's studying scientific medicine may well be correct and the 2 loonys who wrote that book was probably in it just for the money.

I dunno but it's really frustrating when the very people who send me to university, refuse to accept what I learn there. Hmm, maybe they simply can't trust their son who still leaves the kitchen in a mess and wipes his mouth on his sleeves when it comes to serious stuff. *Shrug.*

Everytime I try to start of explaining things in a logical way, saying how their conculsions may have come out of statistical bias and stuff - even he never seems to listen. So I just give up and nod and pretend I'm interested and in my heart, I just want the whole speech to end dammit!

Everytime this happens, I see it as a failure of myself and my education to spread the word of scientific medicine. Bleagh. It ain't easy being me dude. With great powers comes great responsibility, the wise Uncle Ben from Spiderman said.

Somehow it's always me, me and me who gets all the tough questions from family, friends and patients from the wards during my clinical attachments. Even in online forums. And I got this stressful responsibility to say the right thing, even if I may not know enough.

"Yes Mr. XXX. It's true, your glucose self-monitoring device is telling you that your diabetes is getting worse, you may have to take medications. The high readings are probably not due to your surgery."

"It probably is nothing, but better get it checked just to be safe!"

"I'll ask around to see if there's anything I can do regarding your dependence on sleeping pills. It's not good you know, is there anyone you can talk to about it?"

"It's alright madam. You see, this is XXXX hospital you know. It's such a good hospital they will take care of you!"

Sweet! (Friday)

Begun the day by rushing for school again. Stupid bus scheduling changed so I had to wait for the later bus.

Tutorial. Arrgh. I'm always the one who doesn't know the answers. These days instead of stalling in a blurry blank when being asked a question I don't know, I just smile and say "I think I need to read up first" or if in a bigger group and less formal situation, "Can I ask a friend?".

School progressed on, clinics shadowing the doc then a lecture. Was bored so SMS'd Ryan and decided to meet early before the movie!

Went home, fixed a quick lunch, slacked a little then went out again. Hanging around with Ryan is fun! Although we just walked in aimless circles it was great fun talking about movies, graphic novels, books, video games and stuff. All too often it's like I dunno what to talk about but it wasn't the case yay!

After what Ryan recommends and what I Googled/Wiki'd/Rottentomatoes'd -- List of movies I gotta watch: Scary Movie 4, From Hell, Daredevil, X-men 3. Gotta hunt for them the next time I pop by Video-Ezy. (Just realised that Junction 8 had one a few days ago, with lots of good titles.)

Oh. Ryan: the carton series that parodies Spongebob, Link from Zelda, Superman, Betty Boop and etc is called Drawn Together.

Met up with the gang again! Starbucks. Mr Black recommends using skim milk for coffee instead of the usual milk, so I tried it. It sorta tastes less creamy but it's quite a small difference really. Maybe I should stick to that - healthy choices that taste more or less the same!

Movie movie! Grudge 1 and 2 marathon. Grudge 1 was sorta bad. To be honest. There was no coherent plot to talk about, unlike most good horror shows I've watched so far. And oh well, looked like I was the only one not enjoying it so it was quite depressing, slumped in the seat while the others around me just laughed and joked about it with each other. The cons of being a picky movie aficionado after all those years! Grade : C+

Grudge 2 is slightly better, but it's not going to get anything above a B- in my eyes anyway. Was freezing in the cinema by then. Forgot that Plaza Singapura got really cold at night, like the time I watched Death Note there. Thanks Kate for that jacket!

Hung around in Macs for a while then made our way back! Was having this conversation with Kate about our career choices and stuff. Hmm, I still am having do some thinking about it. The way I think logically, it is probably the right choice for me but it doesn't feel like it. In any case, I need to plan out my career path to a slack career! Long hours and hard work aren't good for my poor brain.

Oh and from what I'm like will I really get bullied when I start working? Yikes!

Reached home, still high after all that so hanged around online for a while. Then off to the bed! It's always a little sad when a blissful and fun gathering ends, so I'm looking forward to the next one!

Orthopaedics sucks

To quote Ali G, it's more eviler than Skeletor. Evil lecturers who insist you know everything in the textbook, then double that, and quadruple that again.

Stupid lectures. And the students seem to lap it up like it's precious little pearls of wisdom they're going to save the world with. Dude, really, why bother when it's like ten times more important to start with the basics?

And they're copying every single word and letter the lecturers speak, while I just frown and try to decipher the alien structures on those black-and-white pictures they call X-rays.

It's times like these when I wonder if I'm in the wrong course in uni!

Oh and I think I offended a girl when I insisted that I didn't want to present yet another case presentation so she had to do it. Yikes. What else could I have done? I really hate case presentations and I was totally unprepared!

Feeling really tired lately. Wonder why. Even fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop! Dammit. My tempermental nose's trying to tell me that a common cold is to be expected in the next few days. Yikes.

Anyway: James Morrison - Wonderful World

Heard that song on BBC Radio 1 and loved it straight away. Raw vocals and great lyrics.

Local radio

(richie has The Kooks - Naive as the now playing song)
kc - shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture says:
i like the swingish rhythm of naive
richie says:
its overplayed in nz
kc - shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture says:
o rly
kc - shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture says:
at least you get good stuff being overplayed
kc - shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture says:
sian ½
richie says:
[o rly
richie says:
i had nightmares in the start of the sem dude
kc - shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, like a polaroid picture says:
would you rather have black eyed peas being overplayed?

Grrr

1. Yet another crappy school day!
2. Was supposed to do case presentation with another guy but that guy didn't turn up!
3. Was so caught up doing the preparation that I didn't get a single bite of lunch!
4. Screwed up my case presentation!
5. It was a realy big screw up!
6. I wonder how my classmates suddenly can come up with all those smart answers in tutorial I can't even dream of!
7. I hate smiling and acting like an idiot when I keep on not knowing the answers for tutorial!
8. Dude I hate my life and want to punch something up!
9. Or go for a good bike ride or run - but it's freaking wet out there!
10. So I stay at home and sulk!