Same Old

I fell asleep on my bed with the textbook by my side and the lights on.

Too groggy to write anything here that matters.

The End of the Weekend

I'm bloody procrastinator who can't get himself to finish the write-up for school. I dunno if it's burn out.

In other news, I've re-visited the joys of listening to Oasis's and Suede's early works. Suede's Beautiful Ones elicits the same kind of wonder and joy it had on me a decade ago when I was just a kid.

Who can possibly not be amused with lyrics like 'Psycho for sex and glue/Lost it to Bostick yeah'?

Bumper entry

So it's after midnight now, which makes it Sunday. I have a lot to catch up with here.

Rewind 2 days before today. That's Friday. Friday started another depressing day. I've come to detest the sight of my groupmates. Apparently they've taken the military's advise pretty well - rush to wait, wait to rush. I wanted to stick around the team we bumped into to learn more about the condition a patient had but the other two simply decided to rush off for something else. What for? I dunno.

I'm starting to take a stand these days, I'm not rushing off with them if I don't see the need to. I'm not going to run - run, as in to ambulate oneself by rapid movement of limbs - across the wards and end up in a near-collision with a nurse with a blood pressure machine, the way they did on Friday.

I'm sorry I have to rant so much about this issue, but it's been affecting me for tens of hours every week, and it's sending my heart rate up and making me extremely miserable.

And after another stupid Friday I went home and had a quick bath before plonking myself down on a seat of the bus to meet my secondary school classmates. It's a gathering of sorts - not everyone's going to be there, but it's a great attempt.

Meeting up with my old friends felt really good, as opposed to the background of stress and isolation I've been experiencing lately. I felt happy like a little boy.

This is the real thing. A real friendship, the kind where you're not afraid to be yourself. And you don't owe them anything. And they don't owe me anything.

The kind of accquaintances that I've been with lately, it's a sham. Often they want something from me they don't have. But those secondary school mates I have, they stuck to me even when I was the moody and unreasonable person I was then. Now I still make it a point to return this favour, to pay it forward.

Did I tell you? I felt happy like a little boy. The food wasn't great there in Marche Suntec City. But I was having a hell of a time - just being with the people who matter to me.

And I didn't know how I should be feeling - happy because I'm now convinced that the friendships won't end anytime soon? Or sad knowing that I have missed having them around the past few years? And they have their own lives. And I have my own miserable situations to contend with.

Ultimately, the thing that stings is that, it's never the same anymore.

I don't want to sleep

Because tomorrow will be another crappy school day.

On the class egroups there has been some debate on whether this one guy should publicly announce Medical Christian Fellowship meetups in it. This is not the first time. The issue had been brought up before some time last year, but apparently, no one really took notice. And every time, there's some person defending that they want to spread the message and blah blah.

Bloody fundamentalists. They take every attempt at religious neutrality as an attack against their own religion.

Now can I take offense at my faith in atheism being violated by fundamentalists?

School sucks

So choosing to study the intricacies of interrogating, poking and prodding sick people might not have been what I had imagined it to be.

I'm interested in what I study - true. But it simply sucks when all your schoolmates are workaholics.

Here we work in teams of 3. I'm beginning to feel left out. Unlike the other 2 I'm not some crazy mugger who doesn't mind spending 55 hours a week - voluntarily - in the hospital, bugging the surgeons for tutorials, interrogating and poking patients.

And that's excluding reading time. One of them says she hardly reads up. Well then in tutorials how does she spew out the namesof those obscure 6-syllabled diseases?

Maybe I don't share their blind enthusiasm. But I have to share their mealtimes. We had lunch at 4pm today. Really felt groggy by 3pm, having been on my feet in the operating theatre for hours observing how they do various procedures.

One patient was confiding in me on how she felt how life was meaningless, after 50 years of hard work and monotony.

I know my life's screwed when I can't even thing of a single word to convince her otherwise. In fact I bloody hate this life of mine right now.

Nullify my life

The truth's out. People don't read wordy blogs. That's why I'm starting Nullify My Life, and closing down my old blog, which featured page-long droning commentary.

No longer.

This blog will be to the point, direct, and I know you'll appreciate this. SO PLEASE READ MY BLOG. PUT IT ON YOUR RSS READER: http://nullifymylife.blogspot.com/atom.xml . WHATEVER.