Gloomy Sunday

David E Sugar - Just Like Heaven - Heavenly cover of The Cure's hit. Recommended by m3 online.

Good KC: Yay, I've slept for 12 whole freaking hours, I must be feeling refreshed now!

Evil KC: If that is so, then why are you feeling so crappy and mentally exhausted still.

Good KC: Oh gosh. You're right. I feel down. Even after so long, I'm still down.

Evil KC: You're weak. Weaker than everyone. Useless. Why can't you be like everyone else and be OK? Your friends are having the same shitty schedule. They're coping. You aren't. You're going to be a totally worthless slob at this rate.

Good KC: You know, you make a valid argument. So you mean, I'm down not because I'm exhausted, but I'm down because I'm a worthless slob? After all, I'm supposed to be well-rested after 12 hours of sleep.

Evil KC: Exactly. You're worthless. Your life's going to be crappy. You still hope to enjoy? Forget it. Life's going to be harder in future. You can't cope. So why bother trying.

Good KC: Yeah, why should I bother trying? There's no hope.

Evil KC: My sentiments exactly.

Good KC: Oh.

Evil KC: Time to put the plan in action then.

Good KC: What plan?

Evil KC: Well, didn't we agree on ending it all since trying is futile? You've got the materials you're just short of one thing. It's the perfect method you know.

Good KC: No. I'm not going to kill myself.

Evil KC: Oh yes, we're going to kill ourselves. I have 3 years of medical education under my belt and it's not gonna fail.

Good KC: I'm not entertaining it. I'm destroying the materials. I'm sabotaging the plans so you can't kill us, Evil KC.

Evil KC: Fine. Do it.

(Good KC destroys the needles.)



Evil KC: I didn't stop you. You and I both know that those needles won't work. The (whatever chemical is going to be used - meddies will know it as the one that must NEVER be given as an IV bolus dose) gotta go through something with a larger bore. And you need a venous cannula. Not a needle. You're going to need to inject a few times, and it's going to be painful. Do you really think you have the courage to follow through and inject and inject again despite the pain? Bet not.

Good KC: Oh.

Evil KC: You need a large bore IV cannula.

Good KC: Oh.

Evil KC: And don't forget to get the (whatever chemical to be used) from the supermarket.

Good KC: I refuse.

Evil KC: Fine. I'll think up some other methods.

Good KC: Ha! You'll fail. You're too perfectionistic to resort to some last-minute idea that probably won't work.

Evil KC: Try me.

Good KC: Well, whatever. With you going all murderous, I'm going to try to shut you out by getting some fresh air outside. Safer being alone outside than alone at home.

(KC goes out to Bishan entral, does some errands then ambles around Orchard without much purpose.)

Evil KC: You're going to be alone either way. Haha you really are pathetic, dude. Even your soulmate doesn't want to go hang out with you when you need him the most!

Good KC: Oh.

Evil KC: And you turned him down yesterday for feeling down and tired. You pathetic freak. You brought it all upon yourself.

Good KC: Oh my gosh. I'm all alone.

Evil KC: Don't you just hate him.

Good KC: Oh my gosh. I want to hate him. It makes it easier to deal with the mess of emotions.

Evil KC: That's the spirit dude. Hate everyone. Hate everything. You're in this pathetic mess and you got a right to hate.

Good KC: Oh.



(Good KC shuts out the thoughts with hate. Went to Orchard library. Saw High-Performance Cycling, a really cool and detailed book about the science of being an effective cyclist. Sorta reads like a medical textbook, with even a whole section about the common musculoskeletal injuries in cyclists and stuff. Went to HMV and splured on some CDs I've been meaning to buy.)



Evil KC: Finding pleasure in music. Yay. How superficial. Distract yourself from the hopelessness of the situation, and you'll fall doubly hard when the distractions run out. Give up. It's futile.

Good KC: No. I need my soulmate.

Evil KC: He isn't around when you need him the most.

Good KC: Oh.

Evil KC: There, he's messaging you and stuff.

Good KC: He's feeling very down too you know. I dunno. I'm emotionally exhausted.

Evil KC: Go on. Ignore him then. You're angry at him, no?

Good KC: Oh well, you decide. I'm exhausted.

Evil KC: Great.

Good KC: But it's not right to ignore. If anything happens and I'm ignoring him, I'm going to totally regret it. It's not right. It's not right. I'm going to just reply something to show I'm alive and listening.

Evil KC: Wimp. You're too weak to even stay consistently angry with someone.

Good KC: Oh my gosh I'm a wimp. I dunno. I'm cracking up. I don't want to be angry, I'm just so damn disappointed that I'm all alone when I need to be with someone the most.

Evil KC: Oh did I mention, you just ruined you whole weekend. It's going to be school again next week, and you won't have the time or energy to meet any of your friends the whole week. Yay. A great time for your soulmate to just say no to you. You're so totally hopeless you'll always be alone.

Good KC: Oh shut up. I'm totally confused.

Evil KC: You're weak.

Good KC: I'm weak. Oh, flurry of messages on the phone, and it was painful, but things got sorted out. I was so wrong to be using anger to distract myself. Evil KC, your suggestions are hurting others.

Evil KC: I don't care.

Good KC: Shut up. I'm further sabotaging the evil plans you have, I'm telling my friend to stop me if I attempt to accquire the equipment needed to kill myself.

Evil KC: I gotta admit, you're pretty cunning.

Good KC: You may be messing with my mind, but you're not going to kill me. At least for now.