No school today

Woke up. Mom bought back GOOD nasi lemak complete with good chicken wing and okay chilli.



No school today. So fired up the DS, fired up the laptop, played Elite Beat Agents and I cleared that pesky Canned Heat level on the 2nd easiest mode (complicated rhythm, and the bass and the vocals are on alternate beats, making things particularly confusing), in addition to 2 levels last night. I was so sleepy I didn't remember which difficulty or level I complete them in, but I know I did complete 2 levels!

Well, having one morning, afternoon and evening all to myself, but not having any determination to start on schoolwork or revision or anything. It get depressing after a while when I realise that, really, the small pleasures in life are just that - SMALL pleasures. So what if I beat that level in Elite Beat Agents? In the long run, it doesn't matter. So what was breakfast was good?

Extrapolating. So what if I do well or do badly in school so as long as I churn out the degree in the end? So what? Even then, it's a lifetime of drudgery - the drudgery called work.

Extrapolating. We live, then we die. Why even bother pushing ourselves so hard to live? We die anyway.

I don't know if I should feel guilty enjoying those small pleasures - when my life's a shambles and right now, I ain't contributing anything to society or even family. I know it. My family has stopped giving a damn about me because my brother's working and hauling in the money anyway.

If I disappear off the face of the earth, would anyone care? Probably not, because everyone is so dispensable. Countries sending thousands to their death for some wooly war against terrorism. if the president dies, there's always a dozen of people vying for the spot. Countries won't collapse just because of a change of rule. If a even a president's dispensable, what am I?

Stinkin' thinking. I know that's what it is. I'm probably not being entirely logical here, just feeling crappy for the moment, so, well, I'm going to distract myself from this stinkin' thinking.



Cleared up my room and my desk, packed everything up, cleared out all the unwanted stuff, packed all the receipts of important purchases into one place, arranged my CD collection properly, put all my ties on the tie rack, bunched and tied up all the wires in my room. Weird how Nintendo has this predilection for printing health warnings and I'm gonna weed them pesky booklets outta the rest of the instruction manuals and chuck them aside. Usually this makes for good distraction. At least, it feels like something productive.



Tired out, plopped myself in front of the computer again.

Decided to go out for a bike ride. Was feeling so useless about myself when I couldn't hit 20kmh on the usual upslope (though happily, the next 2 attempts were >20kmh). Made it a long bike ride, to tire myself out, get all the angst away from me. Not a good day on the roads, being evening peak. Flipped a couple of people off who didn't respect my right of way. But managed to stay calm throughout. No berserk moments. At least the average speed on the speedometer registered 23kmh which was good.

Tired out, plopped myself in front of the computer again.