The I-Would-Call-This-Post-Random-Thoughts-But-That-Title-Is-So-Cliched Post

The weather must've gone horribly wrong these days, for I woke up shivering in the uncomfortable cold. This is Singapore. It's not meant to be cold. The windows of the bus I was on this morning were frosted so badly I had to peer through the water tracks to see where I was going. Needless to say, it was freaking freezing in it. Curled up with my bag and had a quick nap.

So much weight on my shoulders. Having to juggle all the different tutorial schedules, planning of the presentation, et cetra. To be brutally honest, I'm really tempted to wave the white flag and push on the group representative role once the second half of the posting starts in another hospital.

Smuggled a syringe and needle from the wards. That's a morbid fascination of mine, I've got suture needles, alcohol swabs and scalpel blades with me at home. Part of me tries to convince myself that it's for practical and purposeful use. Afterall, syringes can be possibly useful in fine DIY work (toothpicks aren't good enough for spreading glue on really fine surfaces) , alcohol swabs can be really handy indeed and all.

And more controversially, well, I've ever sorted out my own ingrown nails, attempted to drain a sebacous cyst under my skin and I've ever ablated my own (suspected) viral warts on my feet, so these implements would come in helpful. Yeah, it's gross but that's the way it is. I have an insane tolerance of pain.

And there's this part of me that wants to have all these dangerous objects around, y'know, just in case. I understand it's not right, it's not safe and it's definitely freaky. But don't worry yeah - the 2 scalpel blades I have had since 4 years ago still remain untouched. Not like they're the best tools for the trade anyway. I'm fine alright? Still getting those fits of rage but I cope.

Resolve. I ploughed through several chapters of the textbook and finished the last bit of the write-up in the library. Gotta stay until the afternoon to collect something so I forced myself to really hit the books. No chickening out!

Went back to collect that stuff for the presentation and met MC and JS, so naturally we had so much to update each other on. Turns out Psychomed posting really is quite relaxing, the senior docs giving them tutorials are really nice people and stuff, it's so literally the opposite those surgical fields such as the Orthopaedics posting I'm in.

Wanted to be with these 2 friends for longer so followed them into the Psych ward to see how the student workload is like - the workload isn't much, the staff in the ward are so super-approachable and all.

But then, the patients there - they seem so normal - and sometimes there's really no reason why they should be warded - I wonder why they're there? I mean, they're not a threat to themselves or anyone, these people.

I'm the one with the blatant disregard for my own existence, not them, but here I am with a normal lifestyle free to do what I want. Such as rushing for school and taking the risk of almost being hit by a taxi by taking a shortcut in the middle of the road. And my berserk episodes on my bicycle, and my fits of rage.

It's becoming clearer and clearer that perhaps, I'm not as sane as I ought to be, and perhaps, I should be the one being locked up yeah?