Cow Piss

Totally random picture and post title. Why are the Japanese sometimes so clueless about the nuances of the English language?

==

So, today's more lectures in an even stuffier room - and the crappiness of the posting finally dawned onto me, a few days late. I SWEAR my group has it harder than the rest.

I'm procrastinating and I don't dare to read the textbook. Yay. I wanna sleep right now at 9.30pm so I can forget it all.

Actually I've been sleeping alot. On buses, everywhere. Just to avoid the reality that pervades my life. But somehow I don't feel all that rested. All the bad dreams, the voices.

It's particularly depressing on public transport, as that's when I'm truly alone - without instant messaging on the computer, and without classmates in school, and without my family. And without the constant chatter and antics, one's thoughts tend to flow, and when that happens for me, I ruminate over my negativity, and there, I'm a sad mess by the end of the bus ride.

Staring at my freshly-polished black leather shoes. I've a fetish for keeping my shoes clean and shiny.

But in school, at least I'm forced to put up a front and to act happy. But nowadays I can act so well I sometimes believe that I'm actually happy. Hypocrite me. Actually deep deep inside me I'm yearning for a warm caring hug.

Maybe everyone feels like this. Maybe we're all living in our own little bubbles, hiding away all our sad feelings from everyone else, so that everyone else'll believe we're happy and successful people, immune to the worldly emotions of desperation, fear and dejection. Maybe we all want to believe that emotions are only for the weak.

Or maybe it's just that I'm more messed up than the rest. But I'd never know, if everyone keeps all their true feelings hidden under that whitewashed facade.

==

In other news. I swear I do look better these days. New haircut, a leaner, meaner me.

I can look into the mirror without feeling that disgust and self-hatred I used to feel.

And one of my neighbours called me handsome and wanted me to tell my family that.

And another neighbour asked me how I did it.

And my classmates seem warmer to me these days. Yay.

And I get noticed by gay-looking guys on the street and in Bishan Park.



I swear that I'd screw myself if it was even possible!

==



Funny looking mushrooms.