Wednesday, a chronology

Midnight struck, and I've been on my bed staring at the ceiling for an hour already.

I can't sleep. I'm still panicking for the exams. It's inevitable. Ever since forever, I get a sleepless night before the first paper.

Slept. Awoke. Every little movement at home, every gust of wind woke me again and again. It was bad, bad sleep.

And then it was 6am already. Breakfast. Stuffed myself, for I know I'd go hungry in the middle of the exam later.

Caught up on last minute reading on the bus. The old familiar bus 74, snaking through Bukit Timah and Dover, making its rounds sending all the students to school. Me included. Staring at the notes. Trying to cram in some last minute morsels of information. Pharmacology. Receptors. Competitive inhibition. Binding. Staring out of the window, blankly meditating just enough to keep me calm and sane.

Got off the bus and transferred to the shuttle bus that leads to the exam venue. Due to some logistics problems, they couldn't give us the usual sports hall for the exams, so we had to do the exam in the PGP hall.

Oh noes! My classmate messaged me to say that he was too sick that morning to do the paper. Totally worried about it. But well, when one's ill, there's not much of a choice. Not too good, since he will have to do his paper with the people who fail this current paper, somewhere in June. Yikes.

Exam turned out quite alright. There was an essay question on the treatment of insomnia, which I SWEAR I aced, because I myself have had a very nasty experience with insomnia myself some months back!

The other questions were sorta standard, can't really mess them up. But me being me, I'm not good at facts and probably do just well enough to scrape a B. Hopefully.

Wellllll it'd be nice IF I were able to score well and get an A, but I've never had an A before in any final exams in university. Just sorta tired of the rat race I guess.

Used to go all dejected and all when I didn't get what I want in secondary school and junior college, but the fact is I don't have to be better than the rest. I don't even have to scrape an average. Statistically, it's alright to be below average - 50% of people do anyway! I just need to get what I want to do what I want.

Afterall, there's this common saying that goes in medical circles: What's the lowest-scoring medical graduate called? A doctor!

Everyone parted ways right after the exam. Sorta found myself all alone again. Felt restless and numb, so headed off to Orchard by myself, wanting to get myself a CD to listen to or something.

Ambled around Orchard trying to cheer myself up. Weird. I oughta be happy. Exam was good. Nothing really went wrong. Caught up with friends, had some interesting conversations at school.

So. Why am I sad? I dunno.

Maybe I'm just tired of my boring lonely life.

Maybe. I dunno. Maybe it's biochemical.

Grabbed some lunch - Crystal Jade's Peach Danish is excellent like always! The spicy chicken wing's sorta good too.

Went into Gramophone (this chain of really good music stores in Orchard and City area) and took a long look at what they had, planning to buy something.

Kaiser Chief's got a new album! Previewed it on the fancy 250-CD changer sampling machines they have there. Not bad, but their sound has matured alot. That's sorta silly cause people love Kaiser Chiefs for their youthful childish exuberance. Now they sound like any other punk revival band. Bleagh.

Arcade Fire's got a new album, but the CD refuses to load on the CD changer. Argh. Didn't buy anything in the end.

Ambled around Kinokuniya. Drowned myself in the magazines, in the shelves of books. Not enough. Still in a foul mood.

Orchard Library. They didn't have anything I want. Not enough. Still in a foul mood.

By then, I was so lethargic from the sleepless night I gave up and headed straight home. And just plopped myself in front of the computer. Too tired to study, Arrgh.

And my mom came back from the Traditional Chinese 'Physician' and I literally lashed out at her and dad, for:

1. I don't believe in that kinda stuff
2. It's not evidence-based medicine
3. The safety profile of Traditional Chinese Medications isn't well-established
4. It's an insult to me if they do not believe in me, who's trained in logic and science

I hate this. My parents are becoming old, illogical and senile. And I can't do anything about it. Oh wait. Why should I actually care. They're doing themselves in. I have no responsibility to stop them. The same way they don't exactly care about how I am, but rather what I do for them (get good grades, graduate make money, give them money, give them bragging rights, etc)

They've become the very kind of cranky unreasonable people I despise.