Wheels
The wheels thuded dully while the bus speeds along the road just before evening peak. Tomorrow's my end of posting test and I'm honestly scared.
Am I cut out for what I'm doing? Sometimes I get this nagging feeling that I'd have been better off elsewhere, but my logical mind tells me otherwise. There's not many other fields that appeal to me- engineering? Too boring. Business? I don't have the cold cunning necessary. Law? Half of the time you're fighting for the bad guy. Too evil.
I know that the other professions simply won't allow me to make lives better with such intensity. I want to be the one who right the injustices that lady luck bestows us with- cancers at a young age, painful diseases, disability. It's just not fair for them.
But I don't know if I'm capable to make that work. It's no secret that it takes a whole lot of hard work to graduate with a medical degree. And I'm not doing well in school. Perhaps it's because I've never been hardworking in life.
I admit it. I survived secondary school and junior college with my intuition, my unexplainable knack of being able to figure things out without much hard work.
But university is a whole ball game altogether. It's not about using your intellect to draw up a mathematical equation or finding the right phrases to chain up into an engaging essay. It's mostly memory work. Stuff that makes hard work essential.
It seems like hard work comes so easily to everyone else. They can plonk themselves in front of the books and study for hours and not feel exhausted.
2 years I've tried learning to work hard, but I just can't get the hang of it. My brain needs stimulation from other fields too. I know I probably know more about electronic circuits and world philosophies than most of my classmates. But to just concentrate on the field I'm studying? Nopes, I'm unable to do that. I'll go crazy if I'm not already so.
But then, all this discussion is for naught since I don't have any choice anyway but to soldier on. I'm in too deep. Sigh.
Soldier on gonococcus!
4 comments:
aww gono i hit bad bumps on the road too, and wonder why i am forcing myself on. i guess we always need time outs now and then.
i trudged on thru my econs in j1 just because i couldn't bear to give it up (i wanted to be the best student, 4 subjs, blah blah blah) but after catching a break, i realized that there's no pt in forcing myself to do it, since i simply don't understand it in the 1st place
well not recommending crazy drastic actions, but maybe a timeout would help clear your head??
*bestest of luck*
SS
=) heh and i want a deep throat session!
hahahha i cant afford to go for too many timeouts, been cutting lectures and sometimes even tutes to go for bike rides/slack/stare out of windows/go shopping. bet my groupmates think im pulling them down or something heh
scary thing is, i've never ever tried particularly hard at anything, and looks like this gotta change, i don't even know how trying hard feels like. gonococcus, slacker at heart
dammit i wish i were a carefree kid again
i want 2 be forever carefree
*OOPS*
Haha for me the same, always skipping stuff yet managing to scrape thru... But Mother Survivor has plenty to nag about... =s
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