Paolo Nutini - Jenny Don't Be Hasty

Currently addicted to this so-rocky-yet-so-bluesy song!

Yay 2 more hours to STOMP Ghost Tour! *Gets ready.*

Today's end-of-posting MCQ test

Oh crap. Real chance of failing.

Hate it. Hate it. Everyone else is happily discussing their answers and I just feel so damn... invisible. No one ever notices a failure.

Disaster Bike Ride!

(This entry was written regarding yesterday.)
A picture means a thousand words, so here is one.


Yeah. gonococcus fell again. Because some idiot dashed out with his bike onto the zebra crossing 3 metres away from him. And he was on the road going at 30kmh. And that brakes, no matter how good, can't decelerate a person from 30 to 0 in 3 metres.

The only thought on my mind while I jam braked and fell was "Oh no, not again." No panic, no fear, just exasperation.

The idiot just cycled away, checking his bicycle. While my elbow was smarting and dripping with blood. Big deal. I'll just ride away too. So I checked my arms and hands for any injury and cleaned the wound with a quick spurt of water. Soldier on, gonococcus! It wasn't my fault at all, why should I let it affect my ride?

So I soldiered on. And with every time I step on those pedals, I just got more frustrated and furious at my crappy life. If lady luck existed, I bet she was flirting with some barman in the pub or something, because, obviously, lady luck wasn't around.

2 bike falls in 2 weeks, knees still hurting and ego still shattered. You can say I'm lucky to have walked off with only a scrape despite the circumstances of the crash, but really, who's 'lucky' enough to encounter a crash in the first place? And the rest of my life's a mess, with the weight of schoolwork and still trying to cope with not having any close friends I can easily meet up with anymore.

I went berserk. Just went pedalling furiously, not caring if I lost control and fell yet again, nor really caring if a 8-tonne truck came ploughing its way through my wretched self. That, with elbow still sore and caked with bright-red blood clots. On hindsight it was a stupid thing to do, but people do stupid things when they're placed in crappy situations. Yay, I'm a risk to myself. Knives and guns and poisons are known to be dangerous in the hands of a berserk person, but I wonder if it's ever documented that a bicycle can be deadly too?

It's like, when you're on the road, no one cares a damn about you, even if you die, because everyone's so eager to reach home to get their hot piping dinner, to see their kids, to have a long shower. The well-being of strangers? Probably not even on their list.

Same goes for real life. No one really cares. I could disappear from the face of this world and no one would really notice. Except family, but they do have pragmatic, down-to-earth reasons to be concerned.

But then, thinking about it, there are many people I care about even if I don't know them well, and it's weird but - knowing that I think that way comforts me that in the way that there'll be people just like me. And those people would be looking out for me, the same way I look out for others.

On the bright side, my JC pal AS cheered me quite a bit when I SMSed him to vent about the bike crash. He said 'tough times don't last but tough men do'. I have to say, that's one really true line I gotta remember.

Cut the bike ride short because I was just feeling too damn distracted after 40 minutes. Also too many idiots on cars feeding the monkeys on the road and blocking my way.

Went home and on the way saw that the canal was filled with a carpet of thick green moss. Weird.



Went home and tried to push all the bad energy in my mind using 1. Schoolwork (more MCQ questions) 2. Prison Break 3. STOMP forums. Well, it sorta worked.

I sometimes wonder if there are people who feels the same way as I do? Probably not. My mind's too strange.

gonococcus's Day Out

Set off for Waterloo Street!

Destination 1: Bike Shop
Since my bicycle headlight died a tragic and unusual death, I had to get it replaced. Ended up choosing a Cateye EL-135 which is smaller, lighter, brighter but yet costs the same as my older headlight. Ah, the wonders of technological progress.



Had to go to the National Library next!

Destination 2: National Library
Dropped off the J. G. Ballard book which was due but I never got to read it cause I'm always too distracted to read a full-length novel.



They had this art exhibit, which was a replica of a library. It must've took alot of effort to build it up, but I dunno, I just can't see the specialness of it.

Oh and while I was in the library STOMP called me to confirm if I was going for the Ghost Tour. Of course I would!

Borrowed a Will Eisner Spirit volume, but dumped it back into the bookdrop after a while, since I wasn't in the mood for any Eisner. Especially not 1940s Eisner.

Destination 3: Sim Lim Square
Bought my 1GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, so I can now play MP3s on my phone when it's too troublesome to bring my MP3 player!



Destination 4: OG Bugis
Looked around for clothing. Hmm there's one I'd consider but I gotta borrow my mom's discount card first.

Destination 5: Raffles City/Suntec City
Yeah. Walked there on feet cause I was too impatient to use public transport. Haven't been there for a while so just strolled around there and window shopped. Nothing much. HMV has some titles at 2 for $28 but I didn't really fancy any of them. They're selling The Killer's Sam Town now, but I'm not going to buy that cause it's not really all that good. Tower Record's now closed, that's sad.

I can't find a place that sells good casual clothing for reasonable prices! Sigh. Am I so out of touch with where people my age usually shop? Sigh.

Got a soft drink from Carrefour and then started the trek back to the bus-stop. I like the fact that Carrefour doesn't charge extra for chilled drinks, yay!

Destination 6: Bus-stop to home.
Yay tiring day!

Did 200+ MCQs in preparation for Friday's killer test. If the answer key is anything to go by, it means I'm going to fail. Oh noes. I think I'm desperate enough to memorise the answers of the questions, since the questions are often repeated.

And I didn't watch Prison Break today cause of the damn MCQs.

I swear I'm going to overdose on Prison Break tomorrow!

Cattle Prodding

Early morning. Got ready and rushed out of home. In my best shirt and trousers. Always helps to dress better for a big day. Makes no sense to wear those special-offer shirts that look baggy and out of shape like pyjamas. Bus ride with 2 of my best friends, Talley and O'Connor again. The guy taking me for the practical test swears by that book I hear, so I had to get my steps spot-on. After 30 minutes of the 50 minute bus ride, I just slumped back on the seat, too frazzled to read 1 more word. For every new thing I learn off that book, another important fact gets pushed out from my memory. My brain felt like an open bucket filled to the brim. Lose one's balance and everything spills. Landed in NUH at 8.40am.

Paged the tester. Paged again. Arranged the time for the test. Changed the time again. And again, so the test ended up being scheduled at 2pm. It isn't all bad, at least I get to spend more time with my beloved pals who accompany me everywhere, even to bed - Talley and O'Connor.

==

So a word about practical exams. First of all, we have this thing called a long case, where we have 12 minutes to talk to a patient, get all the important facts about his illness/medical history/medications/social issues/family history. And after that we present the case.

In case you're wondering, yes. 12 minutes is insanely short. Especially when the patient tries to be helpful and talks on and on and on when you're just supposed to get a 1-word answer to the question.

"Mr Soandso, do you feel breathless when you climb the stairs?"

"Not really, it depends on how many flights of steps. But I think I'm alright. You know the train station? I am able to run up the - what do you call it? - escalator without problems, I'm not breathless. I don't know of being breathless, not that I know of."

"What medicines do you take for your high blood pressure?"

"I take this medicine called uh.... ah.... ABCDEFG. Haha I can never seem to pronounce it properly, everytime I fumble when I try to pronounce it. Also I take this pill, it's quite small, green in colour, but I don't know the name. Do you know what it is?"

*Looks at watch and sees the time ticking away and faints.*

If you really want to know, I didn't even come close to finishing that interview before the time ran out. But it wasn't that big of a problem eventually. Luckily.

==

Next comes 2 short cases. The tester goes "Examine the patient's gastrointestinal system." and I gotta execute a series of dance steps - greet the patient, introduce yourself, close curtains, switch on lights, examine the patient's appearance from far, look at the hands then the face for specific clinical signs, then jump onto the tummy directly, poking and prodding for masses, big livers, big spleens, fluid, et cetra.

I'm not too good at dancing I admit. But I guess I got through alright. The second case was someone with a one-sided coordination difficulty that caused him to have difficulty in walking and moving his leg smoothly. And I exposed my weakness at the understanding of the pathways involved in the brain. Oops.

It went quite alright I guess, as compared to my NIGHTMARE surgery end-of-posting test.

So that's one hurdle down, and there's the MCQ on Friday, which quite a number of people do fail. I hope I can get myself to do the practice questions soon enough.

==

And right after that is a boring lecture for the whole class. Since I had the test I went in through the back door late. Glad that a few of my friends were right next to the door so I sat behind them and we mused about our tests and stuff - while the boring lecturer droned on.

Sneaked out to get a curry puff. (I didn't eat any lunch.) Returned to the lecture hall, and was so bored, I was making snide comments at every slide. I'm very cynical when it comes to interpretating medical statistics, so I entertained myself poking holes at whatever was mentioned in the lecture and joking about them with my friends.

And then I got so bored I SMSed a few friends and stuff. Next came a stupid tutorial about the planning for the project that would come in a couple of months' time. Stupid cause only half the class turned up, and it was already almost 6pm. I didn't hide the fact that I was more concerned on whatever my pals were telling me on the phone via SMS. My pal was next to me and we discussed how he should do his end-of-posting test cause I know his tester's preferences and stuff.

Yeah. I'm a bad student. Cane me if you dare.

7pm and I lazily dragged myself to the bus stop. Went up the bus and dozed my way to Bishan. Ate dinner, and plonked myself in front of the computer. Dang. So tired. I can literally feel the waves of fatigue coursing through my nerves.

==

Oh and Tag-board is down. Bleagh. Still can't find a suitable tagging provider. And I suspect it's triggering a couple of popups. Need. New. Tagging. Provider. Cbox has disappointed me before so I'm wary, Flooble's style is a little too unusual for my liking.

Wheels

The wheels thuded dully while the bus speeds along the road just before evening peak. Tomorrow's my end of posting test and I'm honestly scared.

Am I cut out for what I'm doing? Sometimes I get this nagging feeling that I'd have been better off elsewhere, but my logical mind tells me otherwise. There's not many other fields that appeal to me- engineering? Too boring. Business? I don't have the cold cunning necessary. Law? Half of the time you're fighting for the bad guy. Too evil.

I know that the other professions simply won't allow me to make lives better with such intensity. I want to be the one who right the injustices that lady luck bestows us with- cancers at a young age, painful diseases, disability. It's just not fair for them.

But I don't know if I'm capable to make that work. It's no secret that it takes a whole lot of hard work to graduate with a medical degree. And I'm not doing well in school. Perhaps it's because I've never been hardworking in life.

I admit it. I survived secondary school and junior college with my intuition, my unexplainable knack of being able to figure things out without much hard work.

But university is a whole ball game altogether. It's not about using your intellect to draw up a mathematical equation or finding the right phrases to chain up into an engaging essay. It's mostly memory work. Stuff that makes hard work essential.
It seems like hard work comes so easily to everyone else. They can plonk themselves in front of the books and study for hours and not feel exhausted.

2 years I've tried learning to work hard, but I just can't get the hang of it. My brain needs stimulation from other fields too. I know I probably know more about electronic circuits and world philosophies than most of my classmates. But to just concentrate on the field I'm studying? Nopes, I'm unable to do that. I'll go crazy if I'm not already so.

But then, all this discussion is for naught since I don't have any choice anyway but to soldier on. I'm in too deep. Sigh.

Soldier on gonococcus!

Linkies!

OK I've added some links on the sidebar. If you don't see yours, it means I dunno if you want yours to be private or not, so give me a message on MSN or something or just tag on the tagboard with the URL!